https://halachipedia.com/api.php?action=feedcontributions&user=Zevlee&feedformat=atomHalachipedia - User contributions [en]2024-03-28T17:40:22ZUser contributionsMediaWiki 1.39.3https://halachipedia.com/index.php?title=Embarrassing_Others&diff=12640Embarrassing Others2014-01-02T16:19:54Z<p>Zevlee: </p>
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Embarrassing another person is one of the most severe prohibitions in the Torah. Unfortunately, it is also one of the most often violated. It is essential to learn the Halachot of [[Embarrassing others]] in order to avoid causing this terrible pain to others.<br />
= = Source of Prohibition = =<br />
David <br />
There are two possible prohibitions that one violates when he or she embarrasses another. <br />
First, the Torah prohibits oppressing another <ref> VaYikra 25:17 </ref>. The Mishnah Bava Metzia <ref> Bava metzia 58b </ref> extends this prohibition to oppressing another with words as well as with money. This prohibition forbids several different ways of oppressing with words. When one embarrasses another, he or she is in violation of the prohibition of “A man may not oppress his fellow <ref> VaYikra 25:17 </ref>.<br />
Second, there is a specific prohibition not to embarrass that is derived from the Mitzvah of rebuking others. The Torah commands “You shall surely rebuke your friend<ref> Vayikra 19:17. </ref>.” However, the end of the verse: “and you shall not bear iniquity because of him” warns us not to allow the fulfillment of this commandment to simultaneously cause a transgression of humiliating another. The prohibition against embarrassing in this specific case creates a general prohibition against embarrassing another in any situation <ref> Sefer HaChinuch 240 based on Sifra </ref>.<br />
In addition to violating the above prohibitions, anyone who embrasses another is also failing to fulfil the Mitzvah of V’ahavta L’reach Kamocha <ref> Vayikra 19:18. </ref>. <br />
= = Punishment = = <br />
There are three opinions about whether someone who embarasses somone else receives the punishment of Malkos (lashes):<br />
# The Sefer HaChinuch says there is no punishment of malkos for [[embarrassing others]] <ref>Sefar chinook</ref><br />
# The Mordechai does however demand malkos for embarrassment, and onat devarim (verbal oppression.) <ref>Bava Metzia 4:306 </ref><br />
#The Chiddushei Anshei Shem approves malkos mardus, or unofficial malkos, issued by rabies which may actually be applied more severely. <ref> Chiddusei Anshei Shem</ref><br />
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Payment for damage done by embarrassing someone<br />
# The Talmud says that verbal harassment does not make a person responsible for monetary punishment. <ref>Bava Kama 91a</ref><br />
# The Maharshal says that a person can choose choose to pay a fine to the victim, or [[charity]] (it’s debated which one) instead of taking lashes. <ref>Yam Shel Shlomo 8:49 </ref><br />
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Other Punishments in this world<br />
# Even though there is no punishment in Beit Din, the Sefer HaChinuch warns that God has other ways of punishing people in this world<ref> Sefer HaChinuch 240</ref><br />
# “When one causes suffering to others, he is punished in Olam Hazeh too. Every person must pay attention to what he does and what he says so as not to hurt his fellow man. The truth is that the punishment is much worse in Olam Habo, but most people are not aroused by what they can’t see directly, so I am speaking about something that everyone understands well.”<ref>Reb Aharon Leib Shteinman as quoted in http://www.torahlab.org/community/article/why_so_much_suffering/</ref><br />
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Punishment in the World to Come<br />
# The gemara says all who descend into Gehenna (hell) eventually leave. Except for one who publicly shames his neighbour. <ref>R. Hanina in Bava Metziah 58b</ref><br />
= = Atoning for Embarrassment = =<br />
In order to achieve full repentance for sinning, one must undergo a complex process of asking for forgiveness. The steps of the process include<ref> Rambam, Hilchot Teshuva Chapter 1</ ref>:<br />
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# First acknowledging, then regretting one’s sin. # Privately confessing the transgression to God. <br />
# Devoting oneself to not committing a similar transgression in the future. <br />
# Make amends with the person you have transgressed against.<br />
# Ask for absolute forgiveness from the one you offended, and from God. <br />
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Before examining the steps specific to atoning for embarrassment, we must assess whether or not it is even possible to do Teshuva: <br />
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# According to the Gemara, one embarrasses another publicly descends to Hell and never ascends<ref>Bava Metiza 58b </ref>. This seems to imply that the punishment is final with no chance for Teshuva.<br />
# However, Tosafot explain that the Gemara is only talking about if you didn’t do Teshuva, because Teshuva helps for everything. <ref>Bava Metiza 58b </ref><br />
# The Midrash, on the other hand, says that embarrassing one in public cannot be absolved by Teshuva <ref> Otzar HaMidrashim pg. 505 </ref>.<br />
# Rabbeinu Yonah explains that the reason we say you are condemned to Hell for eternity is not because Teshuva does not work if you do it, but it’s because it’s highly unlikely that one would actually do Teshuva for embarrassing someone. The reason being that we often rationalize [[embarrassing others]], or we simply fail to acknowledge the damage it causes. <ref> Shaarei Teshuva 3:141</ref><br />
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While the steps enumerated above are the standard steps of completing Teshuva, there are specific steps required to atone for embarrassment:<br />
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# You must try to appease your friend at an opportune time, or until he agrees to listen to you. You must then feel you friend’s pain in your heart and resolve not to embarrass others. Finally, if one embarrasses you in the future, you should not feel upset, rather you should view it as fair. <ref> Sefer Chassidim 54</ref><br />
# One should give gifts to the person they oppressed as a means of making amends. One should give [[Mishloach Manot]] to the person on [[Purim]], or confront them before [[Yom Kippur]] when they’re more likely to listen. One may also have friends help him lay the groundwork for his apology. <ref> Reuven, Rabbi Nitzan Kitzur Hilchot Smirat HaLashon</ref><br />
# “If the humiliation took place in the presence of others, make your apology in their presence, as well as in private. Otherwise the victim has the right to say, “You shamed me in front of others, and now you want to apologize in private. Bring me all the people who heard you embarrass me, and then I will accept your apology.” <ref> Yalkout Shimoni, Hosea 14 </ref> <br />
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= = Giving up your life = =<br />
The Gemara compares embarrassing someone in public to killing them<ref>Gemara Bava Metziah 58b</ref>. Murder has a special status in Halacha. It is a subject of debate if the comparison the Gemara makes between embarrassing and murder is meant to be taken literally with implications for Halacha or not.<br />
Two comments in the Gemara seem to suggest that the comparison should be taken literally.<br />
# When the Jewish people asked King David “what manner of death befalls he who has relations with a married woman?” David quickly replies “He is executed with strangulation, and then receives a portion in the world to come; however, one who shames his fellow in public has no portion in the world to come.” As you can see from king David is it “Better for one to have relations with a possibly married woman than to shame his fellow in public”<ref>Gemara Bava Metziah 59a</ref>.<br />
# When Tamar, Yehuda’s daughter in law, is accused of adultery, to save herself she privately gives Yehuda a hint that she is pregnant with his baby without embarrassing him publicly. As you can see from Tamar is it “Better for one to hurl himself into a fiery furnace rather than shame his fellow in public” <ref>Gemara Bava Metziah 59a</ref><br />
On the other hand, some later commentators assume that when the Talmud makes comparisons between an act and some other much worse act (such as comparing stealing to murder or comparing disrespecting the [[Chagim]] to Avodah Zarah) the comparison should not be taken literally <ref>Rabbis Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, Zvi Ashkenazi and Yaakov Etlinger as cited by Feldman, Daniel Z. “Emotional Homicide: The Prohibitions Of Embarrassing Others In Public”</ref><br />
In the following five instances Rabbis have argued about the implications of taking the comparison between embarrassing and murder literally<ref>All five are discussed in detail in Feldman, Daniel Z. “Emotional Homicide: The Prohibitions Of Embarrassing Others In Public”</ref>:<br />
# Should one give up their life to avoid embarrassing another just like one must give up their life to avoid killing another?<br />
# Can you refrain from saving someone if you would be embarrassed in the process just like you can refrain from saving another if you would die in the process? <br />
# Can you violate [[Shabbat]] to avoid embarrassment just like you can violate Shabbbat to avoid death? <br />
# Is a kohen who embarrasses someone prohibited from ascending the duchen to say Birchat Kohanim just like a Kohen who has murdered someone is? <br />
# Are you allowed to give permission to someone to embarrass you or not just like you are not allowed to give someone permission to kill you? <br />
==Sources==<br />
<references/></div>Zevleehttps://halachipedia.com/index.php?title=Returning_Lost_Objects&diff=11976Returning Lost Objects2013-11-18T15:46:21Z<p>Zevlee: </p>
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<div>The Torah commands us to return the lost objects and prevent a lost of our fellow Jew. <ref> Sefer Hachinuch Mitzva 538, Rambam Sefer Hamitzvot Mitzvot Aseh Mitzva 204, Sefer Mitzvot Hakatzar of the Chofetz Chaim of mitzvot that can be fulfilled today mitzva 69 in positive mitzvot. see the second perek of Masechet Bava Metzia and Rambam Hilchot Gezela chapters 11 and onward. </ref> In general, if there’s an identifying mark of the lost object then there’s an obligation to return the object of our fellow Jew by safeguarding it, publicizing the lost of the object, and making sure that the rightful owner receives his object. Being that many of the these cases involve intricate details that aren’t addressed below, in a real case, one should consult a competent rabbinic authority for guidance. <br />
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==Torah Obligation==<br />
# When a person encounters a lost object and doesn't pick it up in order to return it, one violates the negative commandment not to overlook the object, and some say that one also loses the positive commandment to pick up and return the object. If one picks up the object in order to steal it one also violates three commands altogether, overlooking the object, not picking it up, and stealing it. <Ref> The Taz 259:1 holds that if one doesn’t pick up a lost object one has lost both the positive and negative commandment of [[Hashavat Aveidah]] and Lo Titalem. However, the Sma 259:1 holds that there’s only a violation of Lo Titalem for overlooking a lost object. S”A 259:1 writes clearly if one picks up the object to steal it, there’s a violation of both the positive and negative command as well as Lo Tigzol. </ref><br />
# The Mitzvah to return someone’s object includes a command to prevent someone’s loss. <Ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 142) based on S”A 259:9</ref><br />
# There's an obligation to return the lost object of a Jew once one sees it within a distance of 266.67 [[amot]]. <ref> S"A 259:! Brings the negative commandment not to pick up a fellow Jew's lost object. S"A C"M 272:5 rules that there's a mitzvah of [[carrying]] and picking up a fellow's animal and its burden up to a distance of 266 and 2/3 [[amot]]. The Bach C"M 259 writes that since [[carrying]] a fellow's burden and picking up his lost object are learned from one another there's an obligation to pick up a lost object if one sees it up to an distance of 266.67 [[amot]]. </ref><br />
==Where was it found?==<br />
# If the object if found in a place where it’s irretrievable, such as if someone fell into he ocean, it’s assumed that the owner forfeited ownership and it’s permissible to take and keep it. <ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 154-5) </ref><br />
# If the object was found in a safe protected place, it can be assumed that the item was placed there by its owner and so the object is not considered lost. If one by accident picked it up, one should return it right away, but if one has left the area one may not return it but rather one must return the object. For example, if one found a key under a mat or a book on top of a public telephone booth, one shouldn’t pick up the object. <Ref>Rama and S”A C”M 260:9-10, Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 145-6) </ref><br />
# If an item is found in a unsafe place, the item is considered a lost object. An example is a book on a public bus station bench. <Ref> Rama C”M 260:10, Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 146-7) </ref><br />
# If an item is found in a semi-safe place, if the item has a siman then the item is considered a lost object. An example is a sweater draped over a park railing in a remote area of the park. <Ref> Rama C”M 260:10, Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 147-8) </ref><br />
==Worth a Prutah==<br />
# There’s no mitzvah to return an object worth less than a Perutah and for the purpose of this halacha in America, one can consider the perutah to be a quarter (the lowest denomination coin that’s useable in buying something). <Ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 150) </ref><br />
==Forfeiture==<br />
# If the owner says explicitly that he doesn’t expect to find it, that’s considered a forfeiture of the object and it’s permissible to take and keep. <Ref>S”A C”M 262:5, Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 152) </ref> Similarly if it’s evident that the object has been lost for a long time (which depends on the time, place, and object) such as if one sees moss or rust on the object, then it’s permissible to take and keep the object. <Ref>S”A C”M 260:1, Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 153) </ref><br />
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==Siman==<br />
# If an object has no identifying feature then it’s assumed that the owner has forfeited ownership and one may take and keep the object. <Ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 154) </ref> <br />
# The siman must be a unique feature and not a generic characteristic. <Ref>Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 160 note 79) </ref> <br />
## For example, a normal color, brand name, and stamp on the item of the company are not unique features. However, a crack on the side or if a part of the object broke off are unique features. <Ref>Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 160-1) </ref> <br />
# The amount, the weight, or length is considered a Siman only if that’s unique and not if that item is normally sold or found in that standard amount, weight, or length. <Ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 161) </ref><br />
## For example, “there were 6 keys on the key chain” or “there were 14 bills in the envelope” are considered unique features. <Ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 161) </ref> <br />
# A unique wrapper, envelope, or basket is considered a siman. <Ref>S”A C”M 262:19-20 </ref><br />
## An envelope from a local bank is not a siman, while a envelope from a foreign bank can be a siman. <Ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 162) </ref> <br />
# An item that’s attached to the item can function as a siman such a tag. <Ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 163) based on S”A C”M 262:18 </ref> <br />
# The location where the item was placed is a siman. <Ref>S”A 262:3, 9 </ref> The claimant must identify the specific location within the property and not just the general area or property where it was left. <Ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 163) </ref><br />
==Items without Simanim==<br />
# Even if one finds an item without any Simanim one may only keep it if one is sure that the original owner has forfeited his ownership, which happens when the owner discovers that the item was lost. <Ref>S”A C”M 262:3 rules that even if the situation is one in which the owner would probably forfeit ownership if it was dropped by the owner and so he was unaware of the situation one may not take the object. This is based on the opinion of Abaye in Bava Metsia 22b who holds Yiush Shelo MeDaat isn’t Yeush. </ref><br />
# If one finds an object without Simanim in an area which allows things to be considered lost objects, one should take it but may not keep it but rather one should hold onto it until Eliyahu comes and evaluates to whom it belongs. <Ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 167)</ref> Some hold that one is obligated to pick up a lost item in this situation and hold onto it until Eliyahu comes, and some disagree. <Ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 170) </ref><br />
# There are certain factors which allow one to assume that the owner knows about his loss and if the object has no simanim it would be permissible to take: <br />
* if the item is heavy (such as a hammer) <ref>S”A C”M 262:3, Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 168)</ref><br />
* if it’s evident that the item has been lost for a long time (it’s rusty or overgrown with mold) (there’s no fixed time because each situation and object is different, once one can be sure that the owner would have forfeited ownership one may take it) <ref>S”A C”M 262:5, Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 153 note 45) quoting Pitchei Choshen (chapter 2 note 26) and [[Hashavat Aviedah]] KeHalacha (chapter 5 note 2) in name of Rav Elyashiv </ref><br />
* cash is assumed to have been discovered by the owner who then forfeited ownership because people usually check their money frequently. <Ref> S”A 262:2. Most say that this assumption of Chazal is still applicable in our day including Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 168) including Mishpat Aveidah (pg 93) and Igrot Moshe Y”D 4:23. </ref><br />
# In a place where Talmidei Chachamim are present one must pick up even an item without Simanim and announce it like a regular lost object because a Talmid Chacham (who is known not to lie) is trusted to recognize his object without any Simanim unless the item is brand new in which case it’s treated like an item without simanim in a place without Talmidei Chachamim. <Ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 171-2)</ref><br />
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==Lost object of a non-Jew==<br />
# There’s no Mitzvah to return the object of a non-Jew and some say that there’s a prohibition. <Ref>S”A C”M 266:1 rules that there’s no mitzvah to return the lost object of a non-Jew and there’s even a prohibition. The Bear HaGolah 266:2 writes that according to Rashi this prohibition would apply even to non-Jews nowadays but according to the Rambam then there’s no prohibition to non-Jews nowadays who believe in a Creator and are law abiding citizens. Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 153) holds that there’s no prohibition nowadays. However, Hashava Aviedah KeHalacha (2:1 pg 33) writes that nowadays there’s a prohibition like S”A. </ref> However, all agree that if one returns it with intention to make a [[Kiddish]] Hashem then it’s permissible and praiseworthy to return the object. <ref> S”A C”M 266:1 writes that if one has intent to make a [[Kiddish]] Hashem then it’s totally permissible and praiseworthy to return the lost object. Hashava Aviedah KeHalacha (2:2 pg 33) writes that it’s only permissible and praiseworthy if one is sure that returning it will result in [[Kiddish]] Hashem because the owner will praise Jews and not just the one who returned it (and if it’s a doubt one should refrain). </ref><br />
# Additionally, all agree that if a Chilul Hashem will result then there’s an obligation to return the object. <Ref>S”A C”M 266:1 </ref> <br />
==In an institution==<br />
# It’s appropriate that the administration of a public establishment put up a sign or make an announcement that will let those who go there that if objects are left there until a certain date the establishment will do as they see fit with the objects. <Ref>Yalkut Yosef (Kitzur S”A C”M 259,271 #28) </ref><br />
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==If it’s not befitting to return a lost object==<br />
# For a respected or elderly individual if it’s not befitting to pick up and return a lost object then one is exempt from the mitzvah and doesn’t have to pick up the object. <ref>S”A C”M 263:1 </ref><br />
## If the individual would not have picked his own item in such a situation, then one is exempt. <ref>S”A C”M 263:1 </ref><br />
## However, had one picked up one’s own item because it’s not worth the trouble (and not because it’s beneath one’s dignity), one is still obligated in the mitzvah. <ref> Mamon Yisrael (Halachos of Others People’s Money by Rav Pinchas Bodner, pg 158), S”A HaRav (Hilchot Metsiah #37) </ref><br />
# In a place where such an individual would not be embarrassed, one is obligated in the mitzvah. <ref>S”A C”M 263:2 </ref><br />
# Even if one is exempt it’s proper and good to go beyond the letter of the law and return the object. <ref>S”A C”M 263:3 </ref><br />
# A woman is obligated in [[Hashavat Aviedah]] however if it’s not befitting to pick up such an object then one is exempt. <Ref>Yalkut Yosef (Kitzur S”A C”M 259,271 #4) </ref><br />
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==Sources==<br />
<References/></div>Zevlee