Halachot of Dating - Revision history

YitzchakSultan1: /* Davning for a Shidduch */

2025-11-24T19:51:35Z

Davning for a Shidduch

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	== Davning for a Shidduch ==		== Davning for a Shidduch ==

	# The most appropriate place in Shemona Esrei to insert a prayer for a shidduch is in Shema Kolenu.<ref>Rav Yonatan Eibshitz (Yarot Devash 1:1), Rav Ben Tzion Musafi (Orchot Tzion 7:22), Piskei Teshuvot (119 fnt. 6)</ref>		# The most appropriate place in Shemona Esrei to insert a prayer for a shidduch is in Shema Kolenu.<ref>[https://www.sefaria.org/Ya'arot_Devash_I.1.26?lang=bi Rav Yonatan Eibshitz (Yarot Devash 1:1)], Rav Ben Tzion Musafi (Orchot Tzion 7:22), Piskei Teshuvot (119 fnt. 6)</ref>

	== Dating ==		== Dating ==

YitzchakSultan1: /* Dating */

2025-11-24T19:50:48Z

Dating

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			== Davning for a Shidduch ==

			# The most appropriate place in Shemona Esrei to insert a prayer for a shidduch is in Shema Kolenu.<ref>Rav Yonatan Eibshitz (Yarot Devash 1:1), Rav Ben Tzion Musafi (Orchot Tzion 7:22), Piskei Teshuvot (119 fnt. 6)</ref>

	== Dating ==		== Dating ==

Maharikorkus at 18:57, 18 July 2024

2024-07-18T18:57:28Z

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	The Yiddish word "''bashert''" is used in Jewish folklore to mean that every man and woman has a preordained soulmate. "''Bashert''" literally means "fate" in Yiddish.<ref>Much sourcing and analysis for the following sections relies on the work Kafnita Debavel		The Yiddish word "''bashert''" is used in Jewish folklore to mean that every man and woman has a preordained soulmate. "''Bashert''" literally means "fate" in Yiddish.<ref>Much sourcing and analysis for the following sections relies on the work Kafnita Debavel

	~~check out following article~~ [https://www.torahmusings.com/2021/11/marriage-and-free-will/ marriage and free will]~~</ref>~~		[https://www.torahmusings.com/2021/11/marriage-and-free-will/ marriage and free will]

	It is not so simple. Among the Talmudic commentators there is a wide variety of opinion about how couples are designated for one another. In the opening of Masechet Sotah<ref>Sotah 2a</ref> the Talmud records that forty days before the birth of a child, a voice calls out from Mount Sinai and declares "this child will marry so- and so." The clear implication is that match's are preordained. However the Talmud also declares that couples are set up according to the character of the bride and groom. These two statements set up a contradiction over whether the match is preordained or based on one's behavior during their life.		[https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/598011/jewish/Marriage-Destiny-or-Chance.htm Marriage: Destiny or Chance]</ref>

			It is not so simple. Among the Talmudic commentators there is a wide variety of opinion about how couples are designated for one another. In the opening of Masechet Sotah (Sotah 2a)<ref>Sotah 2a</ref> the Talmud records that forty days before the birth of a child, a voice calls out from Mount Sinai and declares "this child will marry so- and so." The clear implication is that match's are preordained. However the Talmud also declares that couples are set up according to the character of the bride and groom. These two statements set up a contradiction over whether the match is preordained or based on one's behavior during their life.

	Indeed, the idea of ''bashert'' is fundamentally problematic? How do we know we'll find the right person? Why can't we choose?		Indeed, the idea of ''bashert'' is fundamentally problematic? How do we know we'll find the right person? Why can't we choose?
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	Some understand individuals to be in full control of their choice of spouse. It is only that because it is so difficult for each man and woman to find someone who they like and in turn are liked by that Hashem assists.<ref>Tashbetz 2.1</ref> Were it not for Hashem to assist, the couple would not be able to be brought together.		Some understand individuals to be in full control of their choice of spouse. It is only that because it is so difficult for each man and woman to find someone who they like and in turn are liked by that Hashem assists.<ref>Tashbetz 2.1</ref> Were it not for Hashem to assist, the couple would not be able to be brought together.

	In the view of the Zohar,<ref>~~NEEDS A SOURCE~~</ref> a soul exists of male and female halves that are placed into a man and woman respectively. When the right couple comes together, the soul is reunited. The Zohar says that the righteous are guaranteed that they will find their soul mate.		In the view of the Zohar,<ref>Zohar I, 91b, 229a, quoted in Midrash Talpiot, anaf zivug

			taken from chabad article quoted above</ref> a soul exists of male and female halves that are placed into a man and woman respectively. When the right couple comes together, the soul is reunited. The Zohar says that the righteous are guaranteed that they will find their soul mate.

	== Dating and Its Difficulties ==		== Dating and Its Difficulties ==
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	==Yichud==		==Yichud==
	See the [[Yichud]] page.		See the [[Yichud]] page.
	# A couple should be extra vigilant regarding the halachot of yichud during dating, especially after engagement.
	# While dating or engaged, a couple should not sleep in the same house even if there’s no issue of yichud. For example, if they’re visiting one another for Shabbos, one should stay at a friend or neighbor.		Many of the following halachot are explained in greater detail at the yichud page. A few basic points of relevance to dating are listed here.
			# A couple should be extra vigilant regarding the halachot of yichud during dating, especially after engagement.<ref>Be’er Yisrael p. 50</ref>
			# While dating or engaged, a couple should not sleep in the same house even if there’s no issue of yichud. For example, if they’re visiting one another for Shabbos, one should stay at a friend or neighbor.<ref>Rama E.H. 55:1. Rav Hershel Schachter (Nefesh Harav p. 255) writes that Rav Soloveitchik was particularly scrupulous about this Halacha. See also Nitei Gavriel Yichud Siman 49:13</ref>
	# Once someone is engaged or at a point that they’re emotionally comfortable with each other to discuss private issues (libo gas ba)¸ according to many poskim they are not allowed to be alone, even if the door is open to a public domain.<ref>The Chelkat Mechokek 22:13 writes that a person who is comfortable around a certain woman is forbidden to seclude himself with her in an area open to the public. The Taz 22:9, however, disagrees and permits it. Chida (Birkei Yosef 22:6 and 245:6) proves from Shulchan Aruch and others that it is permitted but he still isn't willing to be lenient. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 152:5 rules like the Chelkat Mechokek. Misgeret Hashulchan 152:10 cited by Otzar Haposkim 22:9:13 is lenient in extenuating circumstances. Nitei Gavriel (Yichud 32:7) writes that in cases of need such as with a doctor, one may be lenient unless the person is comfortable around the woman in an inappropriate sense. Tzitz Eliezer 6:40:12:4-8 is lenient. Gan Naul 8:25 seems to be lenient. He quotes the Shevet Halevi 5:23:7 and Divrei Chachamim 5:11 as permitting, while the Noda Beyehuda E.H. 2:18, Aruch Hashulchan 22:6, and Igrot Moshe E.H. 4:60 are strict</ref> If they’re actually in public or completely visible to the public there is no yichud at all. Also, having someone that breaks yichud like the man’s mother or sister, the woman’s father or brother, or a married couple is effective even for someone who is libo gas ba.<ref>In general, Igrot Moshe E.H. 2:15 holds that a daughter protects a man from yichud just like his mother, wife, or sister. This is in disagreement with the Pitchei Teshuva 22:2 who holds that these relatives do not protect from yichud with another woman, even though one is permitted to have yichud with that relative alone. Rav Soloveitchik (Nefesh Harav p. 256) agreed with Rav Moshe and applied it to a grandmother as well. Mishnat Yehoshua (Erusin v. 1 p. 73) applies this to dating.</ref>		# Once someone is engaged or at a point that they’re emotionally comfortable with each other to discuss private issues (libo gas ba)¸ according to many poskim they are not allowed to be alone, even if the door is open to a public domain.<ref>The Chelkat Mechokek 22:13 writes that a person who is comfortable around a certain woman is forbidden to seclude himself with her in an area open to the public. The Taz 22:9, however, disagrees and permits it. Chida (Birkei Yosef 22:6 and 245:6) proves from Shulchan Aruch and others that it is permitted but he still isn't willing to be lenient. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 152:5 rules like the Chelkat Mechokek. Misgeret Hashulchan 152:10 cited by Otzar Haposkim 22:9:13 is lenient in extenuating circumstances. Nitei Gavriel (Yichud 32:7) writes that in cases of need such as with a doctor, one may be lenient unless the person is comfortable around the woman in an inappropriate sense. Tzitz Eliezer 6:40:12:4-8 is lenient. Gan Naul 8:25 seems to be lenient. He quotes the Shevet Halevi 5:23:7 and Divrei Chachamim 5:11 as permitting, while the Noda Beyehuda E.H. 2:18, Aruch Hashulchan 22:6, and Igrot Moshe E.H. 4:60 are strict</ref> If they’re actually in public or completely visible to the public there is no yichud at all. Also, having someone that breaks yichud like the man’s mother or sister, the woman’s father or brother, or a married couple is effective even for someone who is libo gas ba.<ref>In general, Igrot Moshe E.H. 2:15 holds that a daughter protects a man from yichud just like his mother, wife, or sister. This is in disagreement with the Pitchei Teshuva 22:2 who holds that these relatives do not protect from yichud with another woman, even though one is permitted to have yichud with that relative alone. Rav Soloveitchik (Nefesh Harav p. 256) agreed with Rav Moshe and applied it to a grandmother as well. Mishnat Yehoshua (Erusin v. 1 p. 73) applies this to dating.</ref>
	# If a dating or engaged couple wants to enter an apartment and avoid yichud, they should leave the door to the hallway wide open and remain in a place where they're visible to the hallway.<ref>Knesset Hagedolah (Hagahot Tur E.H. 22:11) writes that a door that's open to the street only permits that room and not the upper or lower floors connected to that room. The Otzar Haposkim 22:9:5 quotes the Apei Zutrei 22:20 and Nichpeh Bkesef who agree. The Otzar Haposkim 22:9:5 quotes the Nidrei Zerizin 2:9 and Bet Shlomo O.C. 48 who write that rooms connected to a room open to the public are still subject to yichud, and only the room that is open to the public itself is permitted. On the other hand, the Ezer Mkodesh seems to be lenient. Dvar Halacha 3:9 quotes this dispute and adds that the Bet Meir is strict but the Maharsham is lenient.</ref> Going to another room in the apartment is forbidden since it isn’t common for someone to enter unannounced even if the door is actually open.<ref>Rav Schachter (oral communication)</ref> This only works at a time when people are generally walking through the hallway every few minutes but not late into the night when people aren't around.<ref>Dvar Halacha 3:5</ref>		# If a dating or engaged couple wants to enter an apartment and avoid yichud, they should leave the door to the hallway wide open and remain in a place where they're visible to the hallway.<ref>Knesset Hagedolah (Hagahot Tur E.H. 22:11) writes that a door that's open to the street only permits that room and not the upper or lower floors connected to that room. The Otzar Haposkim 22:9:5 quotes the Apei Zutrei 22:20 and Nichpeh Bkesef who agree. The Otzar Haposkim 22:9:5 quotes the Nidrei Zerizin 2:9 and Bet Shlomo O.C. 48 who write that rooms connected to a room open to the public are still subject to yichud, and only the room that is open to the public itself is permitted. On the other hand, the Ezer Mkodesh seems to be lenient. Dvar Halacha 3:9 quotes this dispute and adds that the Bet Meir is strict but the Maharsham is lenient.</ref> Going to another room in the apartment is forbidden since it isn’t common for someone to enter unannounced even if the door is actually open.<ref>Rav Schachter (oral communication)</ref> This only works at a time when people are generally walking through the hallway every few minutes but not late into the night when people aren't around.<ref>Dvar Halacha 3:5</ref>

Maharikorkus at 18:45, 18 July 2024

2024-07-18T18:45:59Z

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	==Preliminaries to Dating==		==Preliminaries to Dating==
	# It is smart and highly encouraged to do genetic screening before getting married and preferably even before going out.<ref>Rav Moshe Feinstein (Igrot Moshe E.H. 4:10) wrote that it is proper and wise to check for Tay-Sachs disease to prevent a major tragedy of having a child with Tay-Sachs. He adds that it should be done in private. Also, people shouldn't do it before they begin dating so that it doesn't cause unnecessary stress.</ref> If the genetics aren’t compatible, one shouldn’t get married. The YU roshei yeshiva advocate testing for as many diseases as possible and not just the fatal or seriously debilitating ones, so that one doesn’t risk avoidable medical issues.<ref>Rav Schachter (Mussar Shmooze on Dating min 15) explained that it is best to test for as many diseases as possible and not just the fatal or seriously debilitating ones. See The Mandate of Genetic Testing by Rabbi Dr. Edward Reichman on this issue, with the attached letter signed by all the YU Roshei Yeshiva advocating for genetic testing before getting married and preferably before dating.</ref>		# It is smart and highly encouraged to do genetic screening before getting married and preferably even before going out.<ref>Rav Moshe Feinstein (Igrot Moshe E.H. 4:10) wrote that it is proper and wise to check for Tay-Sachs disease to prevent a major tragedy of having a child with Tay-Sachs. He adds that it should be done in private. Also, people shouldn't do it before they begin dating so that it doesn't cause unnecessary stress.</ref> If the genetics aren’t compatible, one shouldn’t get married. The YU roshei yeshiva advocate testing for as many diseases as possible and not just the fatal or seriously debilitating ones, so that one doesn’t risk avoidable medical issues.<ref>Rav Schachter (Mussar Shmooze on Dating min 15) explained that it is best to test for as many diseases as possible and not just the fatal or seriously debilitating ones. See The Mandate of Genetic Testing by Rabbi Dr. Edward Reichman on this issue, with the attached letter signed by all the YU Roshei Yeshiva advocating for genetic testing before getting married and preferably before dating.</ref>

			== Looking at a Shidduch Picture ==

			# Many say that it isn't appropriate for a boy to demand a shidduch picture before going out.<ref>[https://www.5tjt.com/shidduch-pictures-rav-chaim-and-a-new-perspective/ Shidduch Pictures Rav Yair Hoffman]Rav Hoffman quotes that Chabiner Rav, Rav Dovid Feinstein, Rav Moshe Heinemann, Rav Shmuel Fuerst, and Rav Chaim Kanievsky as all expressing disapproval of the practice of Shidduch pictures because either it doesn't give the girl a fair chance, pictures can be deceiving, and it isn't tzanua for a girl to be giving out her picture.

			[[Halachot of Dating&oldid=33140#cite%20ref-4\|↑]]</ref>

	== What Sort of Girl to Look for==		== What Sort of Girl to Look for==
	===Looks===		===Looks===

Maharikorkus at 18:41, 18 July 2024

2024-07-18T18:41:39Z

Show changes

Maharikorkus at 18:39, 18 July 2024

2024-07-18T18:39:25Z

Show changes

YitzchakSultan1: /* Proposal */

2024-07-17T03:24:07Z

Proposal

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	== Proposal ==		== Proposal ==
	~~It is not a proper practice for a man to get down on a knee to propose to his kallah.<ref>Rav Mordechai Willig (oral communication)</ref>~~

	After the man gives her the ring, one of the couple should recite the beracha hatov vehameitiv on behalf of both of them.<ref>Rav Schachter (oral communication)</ref>		# It is not a proper practice for a man to get down on a knee to propose to his kallah.<ref>Rav Mordechai Willig (oral communication)</ref>
			# After the man gives her the ring, one of the couple should recite the beracha hatov vehameitiv on behalf of both of them.<ref>Rav Schachter (oral communication)</ref>
	The proposal should be done in a private way and not with other friends there or videoed for the whole world to see.<ref>Rav Mordechai Willig (oral communication)</ref>		# The proposal should be done in a private way and not with other friends there or videoed for the whole world to see.<ref>Rav Mordechai Willig (oral communication)</ref>

	== Broken Engagement ==		== Broken Engagement ==

	== Making a Shidduch ==		== Making a Shidduch ==
	~~Making a shidduch is included in the mitzvah of imitating Hashem, as He made the first shidduch between Adam and Chava.<ref>Devarim 13:5 and Sotah 14a. Midrash Rabba Tzav 8:1. See~~

	“[https://outorah.org/p/27222/ Paying the Shadchan]” by Rabbi Avi Zakutinsky</ref> Making a shidduch or even trying to make a shidduch is a tremendous mitzvah and an incredibly important activity. <ref>Shulchan Aruch O.C. 306:6 allows one to arrange a Shidduch on Shabbat, even if it involves discussion of financial matters that would otherwise be a form of forbidden speech on Shabbat. See Kaf Hachaim 306:50</ref>Even if one just makes a suggestion and a shadchan takes it over, he still gets credit for the mitzvah of making the shidduch.<ref>Igrot Moshe CM 1:49</ref>

			# Making a shidduch is included in the mitzvah of imitating Hashem, as He made the first shidduch between Adam and Chava.<ref>Devarim 13:5 and Sotah 14a. Midrash Rabba Tzav 8:1. See

	#		“[https://outorah.org/p/27222/ Paying the Shadchan]” by Rabbi Avi Zakutinsky</ref>
			# Making a shidduch or even trying to make a shidduch is a tremendous mitzvah and an incredibly important activity.<ref>Shulchan Aruch O.C. 306:6 allows one to arrange a Shidduch on Shabbat, even if it involves discussion of financial matters that would otherwise be a form of forbidden speech on Shabbat. See Kaf Hachaim 306:50</ref>
			# Even if one just makes a suggestion and a shadchan takes it over, he still gets credit for the mitzvah of making the shidduch.<ref>Igrot Moshe CM 1:49</ref>

	==Sources==		==Sources==
	{{Reflist\|2}}		{{Reflist\|2}}
	[[Category:Marriage]]		[[Category:Marriage]]

YitzchakSultan1: /* Yichud */

2024-07-17T03:23:21Z

Yichud

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:23, 17 July 2024
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	# If a dating or engaged couple wants to enter an apartment and avoid yichud, they should leave the door to the hallway wide open and remain in a place where they're visible to the hallway.<ref>Knesset Hagedolah (Hagahot Tur E.H. 22:11) writes that a door that's open to the street only permits that room and not the upper or lower floors connected to that room. The Otzar Haposkim 22:9:5 quotes the Apei Zutrei 22:20 and Nichpeh Bkesef who agree. The Otzar Haposkim 22:9:5 quotes the Nidrei Zerizin 2:9 and Bet Shlomo O.C. 48 who write that rooms connected to a room open to the public are still subject to yichud, and only the room that is open to the public itself is permitted. On the other hand, the Ezer Mkodesh seems to be lenient. Dvar Halacha 3:9 quotes this dispute and adds that the Bet Meir is strict but the Maharsham is lenient.</ref> Going to another room in the apartment is forbidden since it isn’t common for someone to enter unannounced even if the door is actually open.<ref>Rav Schachter (oral communication)</ref> This only works at a time when people are generally walking through the hallway every few minutes but not late into the night when people aren't around.<ref>Dvar Halacha 3:5</ref>		# If a dating or engaged couple wants to enter an apartment and avoid yichud, they should leave the door to the hallway wide open and remain in a place where they're visible to the hallway.<ref>Knesset Hagedolah (Hagahot Tur E.H. 22:11) writes that a door that's open to the street only permits that room and not the upper or lower floors connected to that room. The Otzar Haposkim 22:9:5 quotes the Apei Zutrei 22:20 and Nichpeh Bkesef who agree. The Otzar Haposkim 22:9:5 quotes the Nidrei Zerizin 2:9 and Bet Shlomo O.C. 48 who write that rooms connected to a room open to the public are still subject to yichud, and only the room that is open to the public itself is permitted. On the other hand, the Ezer Mkodesh seems to be lenient. Dvar Halacha 3:9 quotes this dispute and adds that the Bet Meir is strict but the Maharsham is lenient.</ref> Going to another room in the apartment is forbidden since it isn’t common for someone to enter unannounced even if the door is actually open.<ref>Rav Schachter (oral communication)</ref> This only works at a time when people are generally walking through the hallway every few minutes but not late into the night when people aren't around.<ref>Dvar Halacha 3:5</ref>
	# If a dating or engaged couple is at one of their parents’ homes and the parents are home but upstairs, there is no issue of yichud.<ref>Orchot Habayit 34:31</ref>		# If a dating or engaged couple is at one of their parents’ homes and the parents are home but upstairs, there is no issue of yichud.<ref>Orchot Habayit 34:31</ref>
	# A dating or engaged couple can drive together in the car on a road that cars or people pass by at least once every ten minutes. A couple should not park at night on a quiet street in order to talk to each other. <ref>Mishnat Yehoshua (Erusin v. 1 p. 62-3) quoting Rav Elyashiv, Teshuvot Vehanhagot 5:331. This approach treats a car like being outside since it is possible to see into the car windows. However, Igrot Moshe 4:65:3 was strict not to allow a man and woman to enter a car together because they could stop in a deserted area. Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach in Minchat Shlomo 1:91:21 and Rav Willig (cited by Rabbi Jachter) are lenient. Rav Schachter is strict but acknowledges that dating in today’s world it isn’t practical to be strict on this</ref>		# A dating or engaged couple can drive together in the car on a road that cars or people pass by at least once every ten minutes. A couple should not park at night on a quiet street in order to talk to each other.<ref>Mishnat Yehoshua (Erusin v. 1 p. 62-3) quoting Rav Elyashiv, Teshuvot Vehanhagot 5:331. This approach treats a car like being outside since it is possible to see into the car windows. However, Igrot Moshe 4:65:3 was strict not to allow a man and woman to enter a car together because they could stop in a deserted area. Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach in Minchat Shlomo 1:91:21 and Rav Willig (cited by Rabbi Jachter) are lenient. Rav Schachter is strict but acknowledges that dating in today’s world it isn’t practical to be strict on this</ref>
	# Some poskim permit going on a date to an escape room since it is observed by a camera at all times which is considered like it is open to the public.<ref>Rabbi Willig (oral communication) thought that we could be lenient since there is a camera in the room and someone is watching the cameras at all times. He added that it might not be recommended depending on the situation and the people asking. Therefore, it is appropriate to ask a Rav for each case. Rabbi Wiederblank agreed</ref> Other poskim, however, hold that it is better to avoid.<ref>Rabbi Neuberger (oral communication), Rav Aryeh Lebowitz [https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/933705/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-escape-the-room-and-yichud/ (Ten Minute Halacha)]</ref>		# Some poskim permit going on a date to an escape room since it is observed by a camera at all times which is considered like it is open to the public.<ref>Rabbi Willig (oral communication) thought that we could be lenient since there is a camera in the room and someone is watching the cameras at all times. He added that it might not be recommended depending on the situation and the people asking. Therefore, it is appropriate to ask a Rav for each case. Rabbi Wiederblank agreed</ref> Other poskim, however, hold that it is better to avoid.<ref>Rabbi Neuberger (oral communication), Rav Aryeh Lebowitz [https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/933705/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-escape-the-room-and-yichud/ (Ten Minute Halacha)]</ref>

YitzchakSultan1: /* Looking at One's Date */

2024-07-17T03:22:14Z

Looking at One's Date

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:22, 17 July 2024
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	==Looking at One's Date==		==Looking at One's Date==
	# It is a mitzvah for a man to see the woman he intends to marry<ref>Kiddushin 41a</ref>		# It is a mitzvah for a man to see the woman he intends to marry.<ref>Kiddushin 41a</ref>
	# Generally speaking it is normally forbidden for a man to look closely at a woman. However, when it comes to dating a man is permitted to look closely at a woman in order to see he is attracted to her.<ref>Rambam Isurei Biyah 21:3, Shulchan Aruch EH 21:3, Nitai Gavriel Shidduchim p. 84</ref> However, he may not look in an inappropriate way (derech zenut).<ref>Shulchan Aruch E.H. 21:3, Shevet Halevi 5:200</ref> It is considered inappropriate for a man to stare solely for the purpose of deriving pleasure from the woman's beauty.<ref>Otzar HaPoskim Even Haezer 23 footnote 31</ref>		# Generally speaking it is normally forbidden for a man to look closely at a woman. However, when it comes to dating a man is permitted to look closely at a woman in order to see he is attracted to her.<ref>Rambam Isurei Biyah 21:3, Shulchan Aruch EH 21:3, Nitai Gavriel Shidduchim p. 84</ref> However, he may not look in an inappropriate way (derech zenut).<ref>Shulchan Aruch E.H. 21:3, Shevet Halevi 5:200</ref> It is considered inappropriate for a man to stare solely for the purpose of deriving pleasure from the woman's beauty.<ref>Otzar HaPoskim Even Haezer 23 footnote 31</ref>
	# Many Poskim think that it is not appropriate for a boy to demand a shidduch picture before going out.<ref> He quoted the Chabiner Rav, Rav Dovid Feinstein, Rav Moshe Heinemann, Rav Shmuel Fuerst, and Rav Chaim Kanievsky as all expressing disapproval of this practice because either it doesn't give the girl a fair chance, pictures can be deceiving, and it isn't tzanua for a girl to be giving out her picture.</ref>		# Many Poskim think that it is not appropriate for a boy to demand a shidduch picture before going out.<ref> He quoted the Chabiner Rav, Rav Dovid Feinstein, Rav Moshe Heinemann, Rav Shmuel Fuerst, and Rav Chaim Kanievsky as all expressing disapproval of this practice because either it doesn't give the girl a fair chance, pictures can be deceiving, and it isn't tzanua for a girl to be giving out her picture.</ref>

YitzchakSultan1: /* Dating */

2024-07-16T21:59:20Z

Dating

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	== Dating ==		== Dating ==
	The basic halachot of dating are a difficult balance. On one hand, the couple must be able to meet one another as such that they can feel comfortable establishing a home together. On the other hand, while the couple are unmarried they must be careful to abide by the full halachic restrictions of how a man and woman should behave. They cannot touch one another (shomer negiah) nor can they seclude themselves together (yichud). Further many communities have adopted different perspectives about social interaction between men and women.		The basic halachot of dating are a difficult balance. On one hand, the couple must be able to meet one another as such that they can feel comfortable establishing a home together. On the other hand, while the couple are unmarried they must be careful to abide by the full halachic restrictions of how a man and woman should behave. They cannot touch one another ([[Negiah\|shomer negiah]]) nor can they seclude themselves together ([[yichud]]). Further many communities have adopted different perspectives about social interaction between men and women.

	Because of the halachic difficulties posed by dating- different communities have established different standards on how to date. Communities have traditionally relied on a matchmaker while other communities have men ask out women. Communities also have established clear practices on the length of time dating prior to engagement.		Because of the halachic difficulties posed by dating- different communities have established different standards on how to date. Communities have traditionally relied on a matchmaker, while other communities have men ask out women. Communities also have established clear practices on the length of time dating prior to engagement.

	== Bashert ==		== Bashert ==
	The Yiddish word "bashert" is used in Jewish folklore to mean that every man and woman has a preordained soulmate. "Bashert" literally means "fate" in Yiddish.<ref>Much sourcing and analysis for the following sections relies on the work Kafnita Debavel		The Yiddish word "''bashert''" is used in Jewish folklore to mean that every man and woman has a preordained soulmate. "''Bashert''" literally means "fate" in Yiddish.<ref>Much sourcing and analysis for the following sections relies on the work Kafnita Debavel

	check out following article [https://www.torahmusings.com/2021/11/marriage-and-free-will/ marriage and free will]</ref>		check out following article [https://www.torahmusings.com/2021/11/marriage-and-free-will/ marriage and free will]</ref>

	It is not so simple~~- among~~ the Talmudic commentators there is a wide variety of opinion about how couples are designated for one another. In the opening of Masechet ~~Sota~~ the Talmud records that forty days before the birth of a child, a voice calls out from Mount Sinai and declares "this child will marry so- and so." The clear implication is that match's are preordained. However the Talmud also declares that couples are set up according to the character of the bride and groom. These two statements set up a contradiction over whether the match is preordained or based on one's behavior during their life.		It is not so simple. Among the Talmudic commentators there is a wide variety of opinion about how couples are designated for one another. In the opening of Masechet Sotah<ref>Sotah 2a</ref> the Talmud records that forty days before the birth of a child, a voice calls out from Mount Sinai and declares "this child will marry so- and so." The clear implication is that match's are preordained. However the Talmud also declares that couples are set up according to the character of the bride and groom. These two statements set up a contradiction over whether the match is preordained or based on one's behavior during their life.

	Indeed, the idea of bashert is fundamentally problematic? How do we know we'll find the right person? Why can't we choose?		Indeed, the idea of ''bashert'' is fundamentally problematic? How do we know we'll find the right person? Why can't we choose?

	Some argue that belief in a bashert contradicts man's free will and would result in people having a limited ability to perform the mitzvah of marriage. Therefore, they reject the idea of bashert completely and assert that everything is in the hands of individuals.<ref>Meiri Sotah 2a		Some argue that belief in a ''bashert'' contradicts man's free will and would result in people having a limited ability to perform the mitzvah of marriage. Therefore, they reject the idea of bashert completely and assert that everything is in the hands of individuals.<ref>Meiri Sotah 2a

	Shmoneh Perekim 8		Shmoneh Perekim 8
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	Kovetz Mamrim page 41</ref>		Kovetz Mamrim page 41</ref>

	Some understand individuals to be in full control of their choice of spouse. It is only that because it is so difficult for each man and woman to find someone who they like and in turn are liked by that Hashem assists.<ref>Tashbetz 2.1</ref> Were it not for Hashem to assist- the couple would not be able to be brought together.		Some understand individuals to be in full control of their choice of spouse. It is only that because it is so difficult for each man and woman to find someone who they like and in turn are liked by that Hashem assists.<ref>Tashbetz 2.1</ref> Were it not for Hashem to assist, the couple would not be able to be brought together.

	In the view of the Zohar, a soul exists of male and female halves that are placed into a man and woman respectively. When the right couple comes together, the soul is reunited. The Zohar says that the righteous are guaranteed that they will find their soul mate.		In the view of the Zohar,<ref>NEEDS A SOURCE</ref> a soul exists of male and female halves that are placed into a man and woman respectively. When the right couple comes together, the soul is reunited. The Zohar says that the righteous are guaranteed that they will find their soul mate.

	== Dating and Its Difficulties ==		== Dating and Its Difficulties ==