Tenayim - Revision history

YitzchakSultan1: /* Procedure of Tenayim */

2024-12-29T14:37:19Z

Procedure of Tenayim

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:37, 29 December 2024
Line 16:		Line 16:
	# The accepted custom is to have the contract (or at least its headings) read aloud in public when it is signed by the parties and witnesses, so that all of those signing know the content of the contract.<ref>Noda Bi'Yhudah Kama Y.D. 66, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref>		# The accepted custom is to have the contract (or at least its headings) read aloud in public when it is signed by the parties and witnesses, so that all of those signing know the content of the contract.<ref>Noda Bi'Yhudah Kama Y.D. 66, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref>
	# It is a nice practice for the groom (or someone else) to say some words of Torah at the signing of the Tenayim, whether immediately before the wedding or at the engagement.<ref>Magen Avraham O.C. 306:15</ref>		# It is a nice practice for the groom (or someone else) to say some words of Torah at the signing of the Tenayim, whether immediately before the wedding or at the engagement.<ref>Magen Avraham O.C. 306:15</ref>
	# After the reading of the Tenayim, the custom has developed for the mothers of the bride and groom to break a utensil (usually a plate).<ref>Eliyah Rabba O.C. 560:7 writes that this is to remember Jerusalem, but Pri Migeadim to Taz O.C. 560:4 and Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26 offer other reasons.</ref>		# After the reading of the Tenayim, the custom has developed for the mothers of the bride and groom to break a utensil (usually a plate).<ref>Eliyah Rabba O.C. 560:7 writes that this is to remember Jerusalem, but Pri Migeadim to Taz O.C. 560:4 and Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26 offer other reasons. Seder Kiddushin Unesuin p. 12 quotes this practice.</ref>
	# Two copies of the tenayim contract should be made, one for the father of the bride and one for the father of the groom.<ref>Shaarei Hanesuin 2:11, Birkat Hanesuin p. 44, Seder Kiddushin Unesuin p. 10. [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 2)] explained that since it is a contract where both the father of the bride and father of the groom agree they should both receive a copy of the contract. </ref>		# Two copies of the tenayim contract should be made, one for the father of the bride and one for the father of the groom.<ref>Shaarei Hanesuin 2:11, Birkat Hanesuin p. 44, Seder Kiddushin Unesuin p. 10. [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 2)] explained that since it is a contract where both the father of the bride and father of the groom agree they should both receive a copy of the contract. </ref>
	# When the tenayim are written right before the wedding it should include the same date of the wedding as it is in the kesuba.<ref>Seder Kiddushin Unesuin p. 10</ref>		# When the tenayim are written right before the wedding it should include the same date of the wedding as it is in the kesuba.<ref>Seder Kiddushin Unesuin p. 10</ref>

YitzchakSultan1: /* Procedure of Tenayim */

2024-12-29T14:36:35Z

Procedure of Tenayim

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:36, 29 December 2024
Line 12:		Line 12:
	# The contract is made between the two fathers or guardians of bride and groom, and so they lift a kerchief or any item in order to finalize their agreement with an action,<ref>As evidenced by the phrase וקנינא mentioned in even Rav Moshe's version of the contract.</ref> but if the contract is symbolic then no monetary obligation is affected by this transaction.<ref>See Rama E.H. 50:6 and poskim there. R. Moshe Feinstein wrote (Iggeros Moshe E.H. 1:91) regarding this practice, דמה שכותבין בשעת החופה אינו כלום</ref>		# The contract is made between the two fathers or guardians of bride and groom, and so they lift a kerchief or any item in order to finalize their agreement with an action,<ref>As evidenced by the phrase וקנינא mentioned in even Rav Moshe's version of the contract.</ref> but if the contract is symbolic then no monetary obligation is affected by this transaction.<ref>See Rama E.H. 50:6 and poskim there. R. Moshe Feinstein wrote (Iggeros Moshe E.H. 1:91) regarding this practice, דמה שכותבין בשעת החופה אינו כלום</ref>
	## Some say that a kinyan should be made with the chatan, kallah, as well as their fathers or guardians.<ref>Shaarei Hanesuin 2:3. On top he writes that the kinyan should be made with the chatan, kallah, as well as their fathers. But he notes that some don't make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah. He quotes from Orchot Rabbenu v. 2 p. 250 that even if they don't make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah but they should be present when they make the kinyan. Birkat Hanesuin p. 50 quotes Shulchan Haezer 2:2:6 who writes that there's no reason to make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah since for them it is just a kinyan devarim that they agree to get married, as opposed to the fathers it is a kinyan for a monetary obligation. </ref>		## Some say that a kinyan should be made with the chatan, kallah, as well as their fathers or guardians.<ref>Shaarei Hanesuin 2:3. On top he writes that the kinyan should be made with the chatan, kallah, as well as their fathers. But he notes that some don't make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah. He quotes from Orchot Rabbenu v. 2 p. 250 that even if they don't make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah but they should be present when they make the kinyan. Birkat Hanesuin p. 50 quotes Shulchan Haezer 2:2:6 who writes that there's no reason to make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah since for them it is just a kinyan devarim that they agree to get married, as opposed to the fathers it is a kinyan for a monetary obligation. </ref>
			## The kinyan must be made in front of the edim who are going to sign the tenayim.<ref>Seder Kiddushin Unesuin p. 11</ref>
			#After the edim read the text of the tenayim they sign it.<ref>Seder Kiddushin Unesuin p. 11</ref>
	# The accepted custom is to have the contract (or at least its headings) read aloud in public when it is signed by the parties and witnesses, so that all of those signing know the content of the contract.<ref>Noda Bi'Yhudah Kama Y.D. 66, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref>		# The accepted custom is to have the contract (or at least its headings) read aloud in public when it is signed by the parties and witnesses, so that all of those signing know the content of the contract.<ref>Noda Bi'Yhudah Kama Y.D. 66, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref>
	# It is a nice practice for the groom (or someone else) to say some words of Torah at the signing of the Tenayim, whether immediately before the wedding or at the engagement.<ref>Magen Avraham O.C. 306:15</ref>		# It is a nice practice for the groom (or someone else) to say some words of Torah at the signing of the Tenayim, whether immediately before the wedding or at the engagement.<ref>Magen Avraham O.C. 306:15</ref>
	# After the reading of the Tenayim, the custom has developed for the mothers of the bride and groom to break a utensil (usually a plate).<ref>Eliyah Rabba O.C. 560:7 writes that this is to remember Jerusalem, but Pri Migeadim to Taz O.C. 560:4 and Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26 offer other reasons.</ref>		# After the reading of the Tenayim, the custom has developed for the mothers of the bride and groom to break a utensil (usually a plate).<ref>Eliyah Rabba O.C. 560:7 writes that this is to remember Jerusalem, but Pri Migeadim to Taz O.C. 560:4 and Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26 offer other reasons.</ref>
	# Two copies of the tenayim contract should be made, one for the father of the bride and one for the father of the groom.<ref>Shaarei Hanesuin 2:11, Birkat Hanesuin p. 44. [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 2)] explained that since it is a contract where both the father of the bride and father of the groom agree they should both receive a copy of the contract. </ref>		# Two copies of the tenayim contract should be made, one for the father of the bride and one for the father of the groom.<ref>Shaarei Hanesuin 2:11, Birkat Hanesuin p. 44, Seder Kiddushin Unesuin p. 10. [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 2)] explained that since it is a contract where both the father of the bride and father of the groom agree they should both receive a copy of the contract. </ref>
			# When the tenayim are written right before the wedding it should include the same date of the wedding as it is in the kesuba.<ref>Seder Kiddushin Unesuin p. 10</ref>

	==Sources==		==Sources==
	<references/>		<references/>
	[[Category:Marriage]]		[[Category:Marriage]]

YitzchakSultan1: /* When the Tenayim is done */

2024-12-16T04:39:48Z

When the Tenayim is done

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:39, 16 December 2024
Line 11:		Line 11:
	# If the "Tenayim" is not signed or written until the time of the marriage, as is the custom in many communities today,<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)]</ref> the text should reflect the contract's symbolic nature.<ref>The text according to Rav Moshe Feinstein (and that of other gedolim) can be found in[http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=46545&pgnum=377 Nitei Gavriel Nesuin v. 1 p. 377].</ref>		# If the "Tenayim" is not signed or written until the time of the marriage, as is the custom in many communities today,<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)]</ref> the text should reflect the contract's symbolic nature.<ref>The text according to Rav Moshe Feinstein (and that of other gedolim) can be found in[http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=46545&pgnum=377 Nitei Gavriel Nesuin v. 1 p. 377].</ref>
	# The contract is made between the two fathers or guardians of bride and groom, and so they lift a kerchief or any item in order to finalize their agreement with an action,<ref>As evidenced by the phrase וקנינא mentioned in even Rav Moshe's version of the contract.</ref> but if the contract is symbolic then no monetary obligation is affected by this transaction.<ref>See Rama E.H. 50:6 and poskim there. R. Moshe Feinstein wrote (Iggeros Moshe E.H. 1:91) regarding this practice, דמה שכותבין בשעת החופה אינו כלום</ref>		# The contract is made between the two fathers or guardians of bride and groom, and so they lift a kerchief or any item in order to finalize their agreement with an action,<ref>As evidenced by the phrase וקנינא mentioned in even Rav Moshe's version of the contract.</ref> but if the contract is symbolic then no monetary obligation is affected by this transaction.<ref>See Rama E.H. 50:6 and poskim there. R. Moshe Feinstein wrote (Iggeros Moshe E.H. 1:91) regarding this practice, דמה שכותבין בשעת החופה אינו כלום</ref>
	## Some say that a kinyan should be made with the chatan, kallah, as well as their fathers or guardians.<ref>Shaarei Hanesuin 2:3. On top he writes that the kinyan should be made with the chatan, kallah, as well as their fathers. But he notes that some don't make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah. He quotes from Orchot Rabbenu v. 2 p. 250 that even if they don't make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah but they should be present when they make the kinyan. </ref>		## Some say that a kinyan should be made with the chatan, kallah, as well as their fathers or guardians.<ref>Shaarei Hanesuin 2:3. On top he writes that the kinyan should be made with the chatan, kallah, as well as their fathers. But he notes that some don't make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah. He quotes from Orchot Rabbenu v. 2 p. 250 that even if they don't make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah but they should be present when they make the kinyan. Birkat Hanesuin p. 50 quotes Shulchan Haezer 2:2:6 who writes that there's no reason to make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah since for them it is just a kinyan devarim that they agree to get married, as opposed to the fathers it is a kinyan for a monetary obligation. </ref>
	# The accepted custom is to have the contract (or at least its headings) read aloud in public when it is signed by the parties and witnesses, so that all of those signing know the content of the contract.<ref>Noda Bi'Yhudah Kama Y.D. 66, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref>		# The accepted custom is to have the contract (or at least its headings) read aloud in public when it is signed by the parties and witnesses, so that all of those signing know the content of the contract.<ref>Noda Bi'Yhudah Kama Y.D. 66, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref>
	# It is a nice practice for the groom (or someone else) to say some words of Torah at the signing of the Tenayim, whether immediately before the wedding or at the engagement.<ref>Magen Avraham O.C. 306:15</ref>		# It is a nice practice for the groom (or someone else) to say some words of Torah at the signing of the Tenayim, whether immediately before the wedding or at the engagement.<ref>Magen Avraham O.C. 306:15</ref>
	# After the reading of the Tenayim, the custom has developed for the mothers of the bride and groom to break a utensil (usually a plate).<ref>Eliyah Rabba O.C. 560:7 writes that this is to remember Jerusalem, but Pri Migeadim to Taz O.C. 560:4 and Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26 offer other reasons.</ref>		# After the reading of the Tenayim, the custom has developed for the mothers of the bride and groom to break a utensil (usually a plate).<ref>Eliyah Rabba O.C. 560:7 writes that this is to remember Jerusalem, but Pri Migeadim to Taz O.C. 560:4 and Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26 offer other reasons.</ref>
	# Two copies of the tenayim contract should be made, one for the father of the bride and one for the father of the groom.<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 2)] explained that since it is a contract where both the father of the bride and father of the groom agree they should both receive a copy of the contract~~. Shaarei Nesuin 2:11 agrees~~.</ref>		# Two copies of the tenayim contract should be made, one for the father of the bride and one for the father of the groom.<ref>Shaarei Hanesuin 2:11, Birkat Hanesuin p. 44. [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 2)] explained that since it is a contract where both the father of the bride and father of the groom agree they should both receive a copy of the contract. </ref>

	==Sources==		==Sources==
	<references/>		<references/>
	[[Category:Marriage]]		[[Category:Marriage]]

YitzchakSultan1: /* Procedure of Tenayim */

2024-12-16T04:32:45Z

Procedure of Tenayim

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:32, 16 December 2024
Line 11:		Line 11:
	# If the "Tenayim" is not signed or written until the time of the marriage, as is the custom in many communities today,<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)]</ref> the text should reflect the contract's symbolic nature.<ref>The text according to Rav Moshe Feinstein (and that of other gedolim) can be found in[http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=46545&pgnum=377 Nitei Gavriel Nesuin v. 1 p. 377].</ref>		# If the "Tenayim" is not signed or written until the time of the marriage, as is the custom in many communities today,<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)]</ref> the text should reflect the contract's symbolic nature.<ref>The text according to Rav Moshe Feinstein (and that of other gedolim) can be found in[http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=46545&pgnum=377 Nitei Gavriel Nesuin v. 1 p. 377].</ref>
	# The contract is made between the two fathers or guardians of bride and groom, and so they lift a kerchief or any item in order to finalize their agreement with an action,<ref>As evidenced by the phrase וקנינא mentioned in even Rav Moshe's version of the contract.</ref> but if the contract is symbolic then no monetary obligation is affected by this transaction.<ref>See Rama E.H. 50:6 and poskim there. R. Moshe Feinstein wrote (Iggeros Moshe E.H. 1:91) regarding this practice, דמה שכותבין בשעת החופה אינו כלום</ref>		# The contract is made between the two fathers or guardians of bride and groom, and so they lift a kerchief or any item in order to finalize their agreement with an action,<ref>As evidenced by the phrase וקנינא mentioned in even Rav Moshe's version of the contract.</ref> but if the contract is symbolic then no monetary obligation is affected by this transaction.<ref>See Rama E.H. 50:6 and poskim there. R. Moshe Feinstein wrote (Iggeros Moshe E.H. 1:91) regarding this practice, דמה שכותבין בשעת החופה אינו כלום</ref>
			## Some say that a kinyan should be made with the chatan, kallah, as well as their fathers or guardians.<ref>Shaarei Hanesuin 2:3. On top he writes that the kinyan should be made with the chatan, kallah, as well as their fathers. But he notes that some don't make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah. He quotes from Orchot Rabbenu v. 2 p. 250 that even if they don't make a kinyan with the chatan and kallah but they should be present when they make the kinyan. </ref>
	# The accepted custom is to have the contract (or at least its headings) read aloud in public when it is signed by the parties and witnesses, so that all of those signing know the content of the contract.<ref>Noda Bi'Yhudah Kama Y.D. 66, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref>		# The accepted custom is to have the contract (or at least its headings) read aloud in public when it is signed by the parties and witnesses, so that all of those signing know the content of the contract.<ref>Noda Bi'Yhudah Kama Y.D. 66, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref>
	# It is a nice practice for the groom (or someone else) to say some words of Torah at the signing of the Tenayim, whether immediately before the wedding or at the engagement.<ref>Magen Avraham O.C. 306:15</ref>		# It is a nice practice for the groom (or someone else) to say some words of Torah at the signing of the Tenayim, whether immediately before the wedding or at the engagement.<ref>Magen Avraham O.C. 306:15</ref>
	# After the reading of the Tenayim, the custom has developed for the mothers of the bride and groom to break a utensil (usually a plate).<ref>Eliyah Rabba O.C. 560:7 writes that this is to remember Jerusalem, but Pri Migeadim to Taz O.C. 560:4 and Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26 offer other reasons.</ref>		# After the reading of the Tenayim, the custom has developed for the mothers of the bride and groom to break a utensil (usually a plate).<ref>Eliyah Rabba O.C. 560:7 writes that this is to remember Jerusalem, but Pri Migeadim to Taz O.C. 560:4 and Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26 offer other reasons.</ref>
	# ~~Some poskim suggest that if doing tenaim really there should be two~~ copies of the contract made, one for the father of the bride and one for the father of the groom.<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 2)] explained that since it is a contract where both the father of the bride and father of the groom agree they should both receive a copy of the contract.</ref>		# Two copies of the tenayim contract should be made, one for the father of the bride and one for the father of the groom.<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 2)] explained that since it is a contract where both the father of the bride and father of the groom agree they should both receive a copy of the contract. Shaarei Nesuin 2:11 agrees.</ref>

	==Sources==		==Sources==
	<references/>		<references/>
	[[Category:Marriage]]		[[Category:Marriage]]

YitzchakSultan1: /* When the Tenayim is done */

2024-12-15T14:42:18Z

When the Tenayim is done

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:42, 15 December 2024
Line 4:		Line 4:
	# In many communities, the practice of signing and reading the "Tenayim" was done to finalize the intent of the couple to marry each other, and so a meal is made in honor of the engagement.<ref>Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza (Machon Yerushalayim, 1988) no. 227 (see notes there), Taz O.C. 546:2, Magen Avraham O.C. 444:9, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref> According to some, this meal is a "se'udas mitzvah" and obligatory,<ref>Chok Ya'akov O.C. 444:10 and Kaf HaChayim there</ref> but most Ashkenazim seem to pasken that this meal is optional.<ref>She'elot U'Teshuvot Chavos Yair no. 70 (end), Pri Megadim to Taz O.C. 444:8, Mishnah Berurah 444:9. One of the earliest references to such a meal is in Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza, where it is stated that the custom is to have lokshen but not necessarily bread. This is also implied by Mishnah Berurah 551:16</ref>		# In many communities, the practice of signing and reading the "Tenayim" was done to finalize the intent of the couple to marry each other, and so a meal is made in honor of the engagement.<ref>Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza (Machon Yerushalayim, 1988) no. 227 (see notes there), Taz O.C. 546:2, Magen Avraham O.C. 444:9, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref> According to some, this meal is a "se'udas mitzvah" and obligatory,<ref>Chok Ya'akov O.C. 444:10 and Kaf HaChayim there</ref> but most Ashkenazim seem to pasken that this meal is optional.<ref>She'elot U'Teshuvot Chavos Yair no. 70 (end), Pri Megadim to Taz O.C. 444:8, Mishnah Berurah 444:9. One of the earliest references to such a meal is in Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza, where it is stated that the custom is to have lokshen but not necessarily bread. This is also implied by Mishnah Berurah 551:16</ref>
	# Some have the practice to sign the "tenaim" immediately before the wedding ceremony, in addition to the one at the engagement,<ref>See Nachalas Shiva no. 9-11. These two versions differed in text, particularly regarding the fine that would have to be paid if the engagement was broken off due to inappropriate behavior.</ref> but today many sign only a symbolic contract at the wedding itself.<ref>[https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/891203/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/hilchos-ishus-part-4/ Rabbi Mordechai Willig]. See She'elot UTeshuvot Maharsham 3:127, Nitei Gavriel Nisuin I 12:8. </ref> If this is done, R. Moshe Feinstein recommends altering the text of the contract to reflect this timing (see below).		# Some have the practice to sign the "tenaim" immediately before the wedding ceremony, in addition to the one at the engagement,<ref>See Nachalas Shiva no. 9-11. These two versions differed in text, particularly regarding the fine that would have to be paid if the engagement was broken off due to inappropriate behavior.</ref> but today many sign only a symbolic contract at the wedding itself.<ref>[https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/891203/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/hilchos-ishus-part-4/ Rabbi Mordechai Willig]. See She'elot UTeshuvot Maharsham 3:127, Nitei Gavriel Nisuin I 12:8. </ref> If this is done, R. Moshe Feinstein recommends altering the text of the contract to reflect this timing (see below).
	# Some ''poskim'' hold that it is not necessary to write tenaim nowadays at all since the practice today is to get engaged before getting married.<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)] explained that the reason for tenaim is that the couple shouldn't just get married without having first met and agreed to get married at a later date. This concept is expressed in Rav's statement that he would punish anyone who would get married without first meeting and deciding to get married (מקדש בלא שידוכי, kiddushin 12b). Tenaim therefore served the purpose of arranging the marriage in advance. Therefore, Rav Schachter said that it it is not necessary to have tenaim nowadays once the couple already got engaged and decide to get married. He added that the practice of those who insist on doing tenaim at the wedding doesn't really make so much sense.</ref>		# Some ''poskim'' hold that it is not necessary to write tenaim nowadays at all since the practice today is to get engaged before getting married.<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)] explained that the reason for tenaim is that the couple shouldn't just get married without having first met and agreed to get married at a later date. This concept is expressed in Rav's statement that he would punish anyone who would get married without first meeting and deciding to get married (מקדש בלא שידוכי, kiddushin 12b). Tenaim therefore served the purpose of arranging the marriage in advance. Therefore, Rav Schachter said that it it is not necessary to have tenaim nowadays once the couple already got engaged and decide to get married. He added that the practice of those who insist on doing tenaim at the wedding doesn't really make so much sense. [https://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecturedata/820516/The-Kinyanim-of-Tenayim Rabbi Shay Schachter (min 60)] also mentioned in passing that technically it isn't necessary to do tenayim today. </ref>
	# Customs differ as to whether or not to write a "Tenaim" contract for a second marriage.<ref>Nitei Gavriel Nisuin 49:2</ref>		# Customs differ as to whether or not to write a "Tenaim" contract for a second marriage.<ref>Nitei Gavriel Nisuin 49:2</ref>

YitzchakSultan1: /* Procedure of Tenayim */

2024-12-15T14:13:47Z

Procedure of Tenayim

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:13, 15 December 2024
Line 14:		Line 14:
	# It is a nice practice for the groom (or someone else) to say some words of Torah at the signing of the Tenayim, whether immediately before the wedding or at the engagement.<ref>Magen Avraham O.C. 306:15</ref>		# It is a nice practice for the groom (or someone else) to say some words of Torah at the signing of the Tenayim, whether immediately before the wedding or at the engagement.<ref>Magen Avraham O.C. 306:15</ref>
	# After the reading of the Tenayim, the custom has developed for the mothers of the bride and groom to break a utensil (usually a plate).<ref>Eliyah Rabba O.C. 560:7 writes that this is to remember Jerusalem, but Pri Migeadim to Taz O.C. 560:4 and Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26 offer other reasons.</ref>		# After the reading of the Tenayim, the custom has developed for the mothers of the bride and groom to break a utensil (usually a plate).<ref>Eliyah Rabba O.C. 560:7 writes that this is to remember Jerusalem, but Pri Migeadim to Taz O.C. 560:4 and Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26 offer other reasons.</ref>
			# Some poskim suggest that if doing tenaim really there should be two copies of the contract made, one for the father of the bride and one for the father of the groom.<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 2)] explained that since it is a contract where both the father of the bride and father of the groom agree they should both receive a copy of the contract.</ref>

	==Sources==		==Sources==
	<references/>		<references/>
	[[Category:Marriage]]		[[Category:Marriage]]

YitzchakSultan1: /* Procedure of Tenayim */

2024-12-15T14:10:32Z

Procedure of Tenayim

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:10, 15 December 2024
Line 4:		Line 4:
	# In many communities, the practice of signing and reading the "Tenayim" was done to finalize the intent of the couple to marry each other, and so a meal is made in honor of the engagement.<ref>Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza (Machon Yerushalayim, 1988) no. 227 (see notes there), Taz O.C. 546:2, Magen Avraham O.C. 444:9, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref> According to some, this meal is a "se'udas mitzvah" and obligatory,<ref>Chok Ya'akov O.C. 444:10 and Kaf HaChayim there</ref> but most Ashkenazim seem to pasken that this meal is optional.<ref>She'elot U'Teshuvot Chavos Yair no. 70 (end), Pri Megadim to Taz O.C. 444:8, Mishnah Berurah 444:9. One of the earliest references to such a meal is in Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza, where it is stated that the custom is to have lokshen but not necessarily bread. This is also implied by Mishnah Berurah 551:16</ref>		# In many communities, the practice of signing and reading the "Tenayim" was done to finalize the intent of the couple to marry each other, and so a meal is made in honor of the engagement.<ref>Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza (Machon Yerushalayim, 1988) no. 227 (see notes there), Taz O.C. 546:2, Magen Avraham O.C. 444:9, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref> According to some, this meal is a "se'udas mitzvah" and obligatory,<ref>Chok Ya'akov O.C. 444:10 and Kaf HaChayim there</ref> but most Ashkenazim seem to pasken that this meal is optional.<ref>She'elot U'Teshuvot Chavos Yair no. 70 (end), Pri Megadim to Taz O.C. 444:8, Mishnah Berurah 444:9. One of the earliest references to such a meal is in Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza, where it is stated that the custom is to have lokshen but not necessarily bread. This is also implied by Mishnah Berurah 551:16</ref>
	# Some have the practice to sign the "tenaim" immediately before the wedding ceremony, in addition to the one at the engagement,<ref>See Nachalas Shiva no. 9-11. These two versions differed in text, particularly regarding the fine that would have to be paid if the engagement was broken off due to inappropriate behavior.</ref> but today many sign only a symbolic contract at the wedding itself.<ref>[https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/891203/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/hilchos-ishus-part-4/ Rabbi Mordechai Willig]. See She'elot UTeshuvot Maharsham 3:127, Nitei Gavriel Nisuin I 12:8. </ref> If this is done, R. Moshe Feinstein recommends altering the text of the contract to reflect this timing (see below).		# Some have the practice to sign the "tenaim" immediately before the wedding ceremony, in addition to the one at the engagement,<ref>See Nachalas Shiva no. 9-11. These two versions differed in text, particularly regarding the fine that would have to be paid if the engagement was broken off due to inappropriate behavior.</ref> but today many sign only a symbolic contract at the wedding itself.<ref>[https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/891203/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/hilchos-ishus-part-4/ Rabbi Mordechai Willig]. See She'elot UTeshuvot Maharsham 3:127, Nitei Gavriel Nisuin I 12:8. </ref> If this is done, R. Moshe Feinstein recommends altering the text of the contract to reflect this timing (see below).
	# Some ''poskim'' hold that it is not necessary to write tenaim nowadays at all since the ~~pratice~~ today is to get engaged ~~and they plan on~~ getting married.<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)] explained that the reason for tenaim is that the couple shouldn't just get married without having first met and agreed to get married at a later date. This concept is expressed in Rav's statement that he would punish anyone who would get married without first meeting and deciding to get married (מקדש בלא שידוכי, kiddushin 12b). Tenaim therefore served the purpose of arranging the marriage in advance. Therefore, Rav Schachter said that it it is not necessary to have tenaim nowadays once the couple already got engaged and decide to get married. He added that the practice of those who insist on doing tenaim at the wedding doesn't really make so much sense.</ref>		# Some ''poskim'' hold that it is not necessary to write tenaim nowadays at all since the practice today is to get engaged before getting married.<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)] explained that the reason for tenaim is that the couple shouldn't just get married without having first met and agreed to get married at a later date. This concept is expressed in Rav's statement that he would punish anyone who would get married without first meeting and deciding to get married (מקדש בלא שידוכי, kiddushin 12b). Tenaim therefore served the purpose of arranging the marriage in advance. Therefore, Rav Schachter said that it it is not necessary to have tenaim nowadays once the couple already got engaged and decide to get married. He added that the practice of those who insist on doing tenaim at the wedding doesn't really make so much sense.</ref>
	# Customs differ as to whether or not to write a "Tenaim" contract for a second marriage<ref>Nitei Gavriel Nisuin 49:2</ref>		# Customs differ as to whether or not to write a "Tenaim" contract for a second marriage.<ref>Nitei Gavriel Nisuin 49:2</ref>

	==Procedure of Tenayim==		==Procedure of Tenayim==

YitzchakSultan1: /* When the Tenayim is done */

2024-12-15T14:09:15Z

When the Tenayim is done

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:09, 15 December 2024
Line 3:		Line 3:
	==When the Tenayim is done==		==When the Tenayim is done==
	# In many communities, the practice of signing and reading the "Tenayim" was done to finalize the intent of the couple to marry each other, and so a meal is made in honor of the engagement.<ref>Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza (Machon Yerushalayim, 1988) no. 227 (see notes there), Taz O.C. 546:2, Magen Avraham O.C. 444:9, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref> According to some, this meal is a "se'udas mitzvah" and obligatory,<ref>Chok Ya'akov O.C. 444:10 and Kaf HaChayim there</ref> but most Ashkenazim seem to pasken that this meal is optional.<ref>She'elot U'Teshuvot Chavos Yair no. 70 (end), Pri Megadim to Taz O.C. 444:8, Mishnah Berurah 444:9. One of the earliest references to such a meal is in Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza, where it is stated that the custom is to have lokshen but not necessarily bread. This is also implied by Mishnah Berurah 551:16</ref>		# In many communities, the practice of signing and reading the "Tenayim" was done to finalize the intent of the couple to marry each other, and so a meal is made in honor of the engagement.<ref>Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza (Machon Yerushalayim, 1988) no. 227 (see notes there), Taz O.C. 546:2, Magen Avraham O.C. 444:9, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref> According to some, this meal is a "se'udas mitzvah" and obligatory,<ref>Chok Ya'akov O.C. 444:10 and Kaf HaChayim there</ref> but most Ashkenazim seem to pasken that this meal is optional.<ref>She'elot U'Teshuvot Chavos Yair no. 70 (end), Pri Megadim to Taz O.C. 444:8, Mishnah Berurah 444:9. One of the earliest references to such a meal is in Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza, where it is stated that the custom is to have lokshen but not necessarily bread. This is also implied by Mishnah Berurah 551:16</ref>
	# Some have the practice to sign the "tenaim" immediately before the wedding ceremony, in addition to the one at the engagement,<ref>See Nachalas Shiva no. 9-11. These two versions differed in text, particularly regarding the fine that would have to be paid if the engagement was broken off due to inappropriate behavior.</ref> but today many sign only a symbolic contract at the wedding itself.<ref>[https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/891203/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/hilchos-ishus-part-4/ Rabbi Mordechai Willig]. See She'elot UTeshuvot Maharsham 3:127, Nitei Gavriel Nisuin I 12:8. [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)] said that it it is not necessary to have ~~tenayim~~ nowadays ~~at all since~~ the couple already got engaged and ~~is planning on getting~~ married. He added that the practice of those who insist on doing ~~tenayim~~ at the wedding doesn't really make so much sense.</ref> ~~If this is done, R. Moshe Feinstein recommends altering the text of the contract to reflect this timing (see below).~~		# Some have the practice to sign the "tenaim" immediately before the wedding ceremony, in addition to the one at the engagement,<ref>See Nachalas Shiva no. 9-11. These two versions differed in text, particularly regarding the fine that would have to be paid if the engagement was broken off due to inappropriate behavior.</ref> but today many sign only a symbolic contract at the wedding itself.<ref>[https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/891203/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/hilchos-ishus-part-4/ Rabbi Mordechai Willig]. See She'elot UTeshuvot Maharsham 3:127, Nitei Gavriel Nisuin I 12:8. </ref> If this is done, R. Moshe Feinstein recommends altering the text of the contract to reflect this timing (see below).
			# Some ''poskim'' hold that it is not necessary to write tenaim nowadays at all since the pratice today is to get engaged and they plan on getting married.<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)] explained that the reason for tenaim is that the couple shouldn't just get married without having first met and agreed to get married at a later date. This concept is expressed in Rav's statement that he would punish anyone who would get married without first meeting and deciding to get married (מקדש בלא שידוכי, kiddushin 12b). Tenaim therefore served the purpose of arranging the marriage in advance. Therefore, Rav Schachter said that it it is not necessary to have tenaim nowadays once the couple already got engaged and decide to get married. He added that the practice of those who insist on doing tenaim at the wedding doesn't really make so much sense.</ref>
	# Customs differ as to whether or not to write a "Tenaim" contract for a second marriage<ref>Nitei Gavriel Nisuin 49:2</ref>		# Customs differ as to whether or not to write a "Tenaim" contract for a second marriage<ref>Nitei Gavriel Nisuin 49:2</ref>

YitzchakSultan1: /* When the Tenayim is done */

2024-12-15T14:04:54Z

When the Tenayim is done

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:04, 15 December 2024
Line 3:		Line 3:
	==When the Tenayim is done==		==When the Tenayim is done==
	# In many communities, the practice of signing and reading the "Tenayim" was done to finalize the intent of the couple to marry each other, and so a meal is made in honor of the engagement.<ref>Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza (Machon Yerushalayim, 1988) no. 227 (see notes there), Taz O.C. 546:2, Magen Avraham O.C. 444:9, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref> According to some, this meal is a "se'udas mitzvah" and obligatory,<ref>Chok Ya'akov O.C. 444:10 and Kaf HaChayim there</ref> but most Ashkenazim seem to pasken that this meal is optional.<ref>She'elot U'Teshuvot Chavos Yair no. 70 (end), Pri Megadim to Taz O.C. 444:8, Mishnah Berurah 444:9. One of the earliest references to such a meal is in Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza, where it is stated that the custom is to have lokshen but not necessarily bread. This is also implied by Mishnah Berurah 551:16</ref>		# In many communities, the practice of signing and reading the "Tenayim" was done to finalize the intent of the couple to marry each other, and so a meal is made in honor of the engagement.<ref>Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza (Machon Yerushalayim, 1988) no. 227 (see notes there), Taz O.C. 546:2, Magen Avraham O.C. 444:9, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref> According to some, this meal is a "se'udas mitzvah" and obligatory,<ref>Chok Ya'akov O.C. 444:10 and Kaf HaChayim there</ref> but most Ashkenazim seem to pasken that this meal is optional.<ref>She'elot U'Teshuvot Chavos Yair no. 70 (end), Pri Megadim to Taz O.C. 444:8, Mishnah Berurah 444:9. One of the earliest references to such a meal is in Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza, where it is stated that the custom is to have lokshen but not necessarily bread. This is also implied by Mishnah Berurah 551:16</ref>
	# Some have the practice to sign the "tenaim" immediately before the wedding ceremony, in addition to the one at the engagement<ref>See Nachalas Shiva no. 9-11. These two versions differed in text, particularly regarding the fine that would have to be paid if the engagement was broken off due to inappropriate behavior.</ref> but today many sign only a symbolic contract at the wedding itself.<ref>~~[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2).],~~ [https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/891203/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/hilchos-ishus-part-4/ Rabbi Mordechai Willig]. See She'elot UTeshuvot Maharsham 3:127, Nitei Gavriel Nisuin I 12:8</ref> If this is done, R. Moshe Feinstein recommends altering the text of the contract to reflect this timing (see below).		# Some have the practice to sign the "tenaim" immediately before the wedding ceremony, in addition to the one at the engagement,<ref>See Nachalas Shiva no. 9-11. These two versions differed in text, particularly regarding the fine that would have to be paid if the engagement was broken off due to inappropriate behavior.</ref> but today many sign only a symbolic contract at the wedding itself.<ref>[https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/891203/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/hilchos-ishus-part-4/ Rabbi Mordechai Willig]. See She'elot UTeshuvot Maharsham 3:127, Nitei Gavriel Nisuin I 12:8. [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)] said that it it is not necessary to have tenayim nowadays at all since the couple already got engaged and is planning on getting married. He added that the practice of those who insist on doing tenayim at the wedding doesn't really make so much sense.</ref> If this is done, R. Moshe Feinstein recommends altering the text of the contract to reflect this timing (see below).
	# Customs differ as to whether or not to write a "Tenaim" contract for a second marriage<ref>Nitei Gavriel Nisuin 49:2</ref>		# Customs differ as to whether or not to write a "Tenaim" contract for a second marriage<ref>Nitei Gavriel Nisuin 49:2</ref>

YitzchakSultan: /* Sources */

2019-04-18T15:36:09Z

Sources

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:36, 18 April 2019
Line 16:		Line 16:
	==Sources==		==Sources==
	<references/>		<references/>
	~~[[Category:Lifecycles]]~~
	[[Category:Marriage]]		[[Category:Marriage]]