Shadchanut

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  1. The payment of a shadchan is like a worker who arranged a deal and is paid for his input.[1] Many of these halachot may depend on the minhag. As such, of course it is important to consult one’s local rabbi.
  2. If one person makes the suggestion to the parties and another person is the go-between the person who made the suggestion should get a third of the shadchanut and the go-between two-thirds.[2]
  3. If one person made the suggestion, another was the go-between in the beginning and another was the go-between at the end, all three split the shadchanut.[3]
  4. If someone made the suggestion for someone else to present to each side and then acts as the go-between the original person who made the suggestion isn’t entitled to a shadchanut from the strict law but it is the minhag to give shadchanut to that person as well.[4]
  5. If the boy or girl’s side made a suggestion to the shadchan who made the suggestion to the other side and acted as a shadchan, the boy or girl’s side who originally made the suggestion isn’t entitled to shadchanut. [5]
  6. If a shidduch falls apart and then gets back together with another shadchan, if the second relationship was built upon the original relationship then both shadchanim split the shadchanut. However, if the original relationship was forgotten and had no impact on the second one then only the second shadchan gets the shadchanut.[6]
  7. The amount of the shadchanut depends on the place. If in the boy’s place it is one amount and the girl’s it is another, unless they specified an amount from the beginning, the shadchanut is the lesser of the two amounts.[7]
  8. If a shadchan was paid after the engagement and unfortunately the couple broke up before the wedding the shadchan doesn’t need to give back the shadchanut. [8]

Sources

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  1. See Shulchan Aruch CM 185, Pitchei Teshuva 185:3
  2. Chut Shani (Shabbat v. 3 p. 242)
  3. Chut Shani (Shabbat v. 3 p. 242)
  4. Chut Shani (Shabbat v. 3 p. 242)
  5. Chut Shani (Shabbat v. 3 p. 242)
  6. Chut Shani (Shabbat v. 3 p. 243)
  7. Chut Shani (Shabbat v. 3 p. 243)
  8. Chut Shani (Shabbat v. 3 p. 243)